FENCE STRIPPED OF BRAS...

23 April 2006

The notorious bra fence in the Cardrona Valley in central Otago, New Zealand, is a mere shadow of its former self. More than half of the 800 bras that adorned the fence have been cut off.

Local woman Natasha Anderson allegedly snipped off the bras because she thinks the fence is a traffic hazard. Fence owner John Lee rang the police but says he will not be pressing charges. Mr Lee has all the bras back in his possession and says the last has not been seen of his unusually-decorated fence.

The Queenstown Lakes District Council wants to get rid of the infamous bra fence.

The origins of the bra fence are shrouded in mystery. The general consensus among locals is that four Wanaka women were returning home from a night out in late 1999 and attached their bras to the fence in a unique statement to herald the new millennium. Their identities remain a well-kept secret. Within two months there were as many as 60 bras on the fence, but they were cut off. When that incident was reported in the media, the concept of the bra fence caught on more widely and new bras have been joining the collection, which has survived subsequent attacks, ever since. Coverage has extended to international television, and each attack seems to unleash a further flood of new bras.

freedom for jockstraps!

A brabed wire fence?

"The general consensus among locals is that four Wanaka women were returning home from a night out in late 1999"

Ah! They were 'in their cups' ?

I'd stay and post a few more, but I garter go.

WONDER WOMAN...

The success of the "Wonder Bra" for under-endowed women has encouraged the designers to come out with a new bra for over-endowed women.

It's called the "Sheep Dog Bra."

It rounds 'em up and points them in the right direction!

*LOL*

Ever wonder why bra sizes are lettered from A to F and beyond? Here is a user definition for those who don't know!
A - Almost boobs
B - Barely there
C - Can do
D - Damn good
E - Enormous
F - Fake!

What do you call a bra lying in the middle of the road? A booby trap!

RUMOURS WHIRL AROUND ROLLING STONE...
23 April 2006

Rolling Stones frontman Mick Jagger hasn't been seen in public since Wednesday, but the vacuum left by his disappearance is being filled by rumours about his movements in New Zealand.


A local source claimed that the sexagenarian pop star will marry his long-term girlfriend before he leaves the country, while a UK news source reported that he is filming a cameo role for a US television sitcom.

BBC News said yesterday that Sir Mick was filming in New Zealand while on a break in the band's world tour. They performed in Auckland and Wellington last week. Earlier in the week Hollywood Reporter had revealed that the rock great was in negotiations to appear in an ABC comedy pilot. The singer has acted in 10 films, notably the flops Ned Kelly in Australia in 1970 and Freejack in 1992.

A source told the Sunday Star-Times Jagger planned to wed his Hollywood fashion stylist girlfriend L'Wren Scott while in New Zealand. The location and timing were unknown.

Jagger was spotted at Auckland's Ponsonby Rd restaurant SPQR on Wednesday afternoon. Staff said he arrived about 3.30pm with a middle-aged woman.

"He just wanted to shimmy in and have a quiet bite to eat without much attention. He was very easygoing and very low key."

After downing a prosciutto pizza, Jagger "skipped to the car, a black Mercedes with tinted windows, sat in the rear and assumed the lotus position", a staff member said.

*hides Accasbel's keyboard and mouse as he has exceeded the two pun limit for the 24 hour period*

Sorry Acc. I don't make the rules...

....psssst.... Mac... Acc "IS" the rule maker...

Gee Wun, you're right! Why would he make such a rule? Or did I read the wrong memo?

If I did make a rule, then I would have done it purely as a power-trip.
And, of course, it would not be intended to apply to myself.

I da ruler!! :)

D'unruly ruler, measure by measure was quite imperial in his ways. Give D'ruler an inch, and he'll take a yard and a half. ;)

Could you put that in metric please?

Sheesh!
The lengths that some people will go to in order to fit in a pun!

Ahh, the return of the pundit of puns

Acc on a power trip? No way....but since you are the all powerful innkeeper.... can you figure out what happened to the other 2 Tir Wenches.

Sheesh, this solo gig is really burning me out.

Wundawench, Your solo gig looks just fine, and not a hare out of plaice either! Care to donate a brassiere to Cardrona Valley fence? We cannot let this fine booby-freeing institution flop! *LOL*

POCKET PAIN FOR MOTORISTS

26 April 2006

Petrol prices have risen again.

The price of a litre of petrol is up three cents at some BP stations, taking unleaded 91 to just under $1.71 a litre and premium to almost $1.76. Diesel is up five cents.

The move comes despite the cost of a barrel of crude oil falling more than $1 overnight following remarks by US President George W Bush who has ordered an investigation into the ethics of oil companies

*...See! I told ya it was the oil companies, didn't I! - Silk*

Booby-freeing instituion flop???

Sheesh... I'm speechless

Spirits sagging?

"US President George W Bush who has ordered an investigation into the ethics of oil companies "

Well the bra's neck of the man.

Rather perky of the Dubya, I'd say!

A MOA A MOA, MY KINGDOM FOR A MOA... (pronounced mower)

The stout-legged moa is one of nine species of the birds which lived in New Zealand. While the giant moa is the most famous of them, Te Papa chose to reconstruct a stout-legged moa as there was more fossil evidence about that species than any other.

"Because it was a robust species with big heavy bones, a lot of them would have survived better than the smaller species," Dr Dorfman said.

From there, just like a forensic crime investigation, the museum's team assembled a moa skeleton, mapped where its muscles would have been to get its body shape, and then rebuilt its skull to recreate the bird's facial features.

*...hey, don't look at me like that...I'm just a regular short legged moa! *L*

One man and his dawg, went to Moa the meadow?

Perky is good Wun. Very special *L*

TIGER'S BUNGY STIRS PROTESTS AMONG GOLF MEDIA...

26 April 2006

"What insurance policy will cover golf's gaping hole if Woods' presence is erased because of a faulty bungy cord?" asked Rick Arnett, vice-president of AvidGolfer magazine in a Sports Illustrated article.

Woods plunged more than 134m – twice – from New Zealand's highest bungy jump, the Nevis Highwire near Queenstown, in a warm-up for charity celebrity races at a dirt-track speedway at Huntly on Monday. The races were organised by his caddy, New Zealander Steve Williams, to raise funds to provide sporting careers for disadvantaged youth.

But American media were more interested in the risks to Woods, than charity.

"Woods is one of the smartest athletes in the world when it comes to his body," he said. "Why on earth would he try two of the most dangerous stunts a common man can try?"

~ I interupt this broadcast to remind the media that there are thousands of US troops away risking their lives in Iraq performing far more dangerous operations in the name of charity and freedom than their silly precious tantrum over how Mr Woods should live his private life. ~

"Woods' primary goal was to be the greatest golfer in the history of the world and bung jumping was not a smart way of attaining that goal."

And Jim Brighters, golf editor of the Sports Network, said in an online column that "apparently Woods' good judgment left him somewhere over the Pacific".

(Sheesh!!!...can't a guy get away from it all once in a while and just enjoy the freedom that his country purports he has?! Good on ya Tiger, your support of this charity event not only showed us the real guy behind the legend, but gave many kids a chance they might otherwise not get. Y'all come back now y'hear!)

BIG SETBACK FOR NZ WOMEN'S HOCKEY TEAM...

28 April 2006

The New Zealand women's hockey team has suffered a major setback at the World Cup qualifiers in Rome.

The Black Sticks have been beaten 1-nil by the USA in their second pool match and now need to win all their remaining games to be sure of making the semifinals.

Captain Suzie Muirhead says they deserved to lose and have to bounce back quickly.

She says they are pretty disappointed and they did not play well at all, hesitating on the ball with the Americans being quite aggressive.

The squad will have to have a close look at the video and see what they have to do differently, going into the Ireland game.

New Zealand now has a 2-1 win over Azerbaijan and the loss to the USA, and plays Ireland on Sunday morning

(Silk ~ I say next time we show a little aggression ourselves and trow the sticks to the sideline and simply rugby tackle the 'Mericans to the ground, grab the ball and run fer it! *L* Ireland, here we come! *wink*)

Nuh uh... no she didn't say that.
*East Coast attitude - hands up*

"tock to dah hends, de eyas awn't listenin"

Good grief

...keep yer stick on de ice lass.... and since when does hockey involve a ball?...new NZ rules perhaps??*lol* *wonders what happened to the puck...*

We play on 'grass' down here man! *gives a peace sign to the 'Mericans* ;-P

MAORI, FAGS, AND NEW YORK..

25 April 2006

Campaigners trying to reduce smoking amongst Maori are set to take on the big boys of tobacco in New York.

Two representatives of the Maori Smokefree Coalition will go head to head with cigarette giant Phillip Morris, over the way tobacco advertising has affected Maori.

Coalition director Shane Bradbrooke says they are going to tell the tobacco industry to stop selling poison to their people.

(Silk - Hmmmm..now let me think! Who puts the cigarette into the mouths of smokers? Must be the long arm of the tobacco company! LET'S SUE 'EM FOR "MAKING" US SMOKE!!!! *rolls eyes*)

ROLLING STONE IN AUCKLAND HOSPITAL...

30 April 2006

Rolling Stones guitarist Keith Richards has been airlifted to a New Zealand hospital with a serious head injury after falling out of a palm tree while on holiday in Fiji.

The 62-year-old, and fellow Stones member Ron Wood, were attempting to climb the tree at an exclusive resort when he slipped and fell, hitting his head.

Richards was reportedly flown from the resort to a private hospital near Suva where he was treated on Thursday morning.

He was transferred to Auckland's Ascot Hospital that afternoon with his wife, Patti Hansen, by his side.

He was still in the hospital yesterday.

I WILL NEVER FORGIVE JACKSON,SAYS LOTR ACTOR...

30.04.06


Actor Christopher Lee has agreed to put aside his differences with Kiwi director Peter Jackson - but will never forgive him for axing his scenes from The Return of the King.

Speaking exclusively to the Herald on Sunday at the Rose d'Or festival in Switzerland last night, Lee revealed that while he was still upset by the decision to remove his character, Saruman, from the third instalment of the Lord of the Rings series, it was now time to move on.

"When the third film came along and I wasn't in it, I didn't understand," he said. "And I still don't. "However, you can have a difference of opinion in any walk of life but you can't have ongoing arguments. I like Peter very much. He's a brilliant director. I just don't know why he did what he did."

For the first time, Lee, who most recently starred in Charlie and the Chocolate Factory, recounted the pair's final meeting, at the film's Copenhagen premiere in 2003. Lee was fuming about his character and a dramatic death scene being left out of the film.

"When I found out I wasn't in the movie, I thought, 'What's the point in going to the premiere?' But Viggo Mortenson asked me to and I did.

"So I went and there was Peter. He was still big then. He came up to me and said he wanted to give me a big hug.

"We sat next to each other and he told me where my scenes would be inserted into the extended DVD.

"I told him, sarcastically, that that was good news.

"I haven't seen him since."

Lee, 84 next month, said he never expected to see Jackson again and would now not be able to make another trip to New Zealand.

"I'm too old now. The trip is just too long. It's such a tremendous journey. Sadly, I know I will never visit the Southern Hemisphere again.

"Just last week I turned down a role in an Australian film."

He added: "I love New Zealand. It's the most beautiful place in the world with the nicest people in the world. But it's also a country for the young, with the sea, land and sport."

In contrast to his chilly relationship with Jackson, Lee said he continued to keep in touch with Weta boss and Oscar winner Richard Taylor.

The pair last spoke at Christmas and one of his prized possessions was Saruman's staff, which Taylor presented to him at the end of filming

(Silk - I didn't know they'd fallen out so badly! That is really sad!)

SAS SOLDIERS ON $4.57 AN HOUR TO HUNT OSAMA...

30.04.06

Family members of the Special Air Service have spoken of their distress over the poor pay of New Zealand's most elite soldiers.

They have broken a code of silence to question whether the country is taking for granted the small group of men who are sent to some of the world's most dangerous countries.

SAS troopers have spent the past few years searching Afghanistan's mountainous border with Pakistan for signs of al Qaeda and its leader Osama bin Laden.

Yet most earn only $40,000 to $50,000-$20,000 less than special tactics troops at home. Based on the army's contract with a soldier to be on duty 24 hours a day, seven days a week, their base rate could be as low as $4.57 an hour.

If the soldiers went to work privately - as many are - they could earn $1500 a day in Afghanistan or Iraq.

Defence headquarters has confirmed to the Herald on Sunday that the SAS met new defence force chief Major General Jerry Mateparae this month. A spokeswoman said the SAS troopers were told they would not receive a pay rise this year - but neither would other Defence Force staff.

A family member, who had discussed the issue with other families, said: "They are proud of what they do, and they are proud of the Army. They enjoy going to work every day and they love their jobs.

"But it's not about them - it's about the families. It's about the families feeling the boys are underpaid and undervalued.

"We're proud of what these boys do. They are the best and it feels like a slap in the face they are not remunerated. They do such a good job and they are being ripped off."

It is rare for anyone associated with the secretive force of elite soldiers to come forward. Government policy is to keep a code of silence over the activities of the soldiers.

Were it not for a slip by the United States, the public would never have known the SAS was awarded a Presidential Unit Citation from President George W. Bush for service in Afghanistan between October 2001 and March 2002.

The family member said there were tense and difficult times for those left at home when the soldiers were posted abroad.

"We don't know what they do - and they don't tell us - but we worry. We know they are going away and there is a high likelihood it is somewhere dangerous. We worry about them all the time."

In speaking with the Herald on Sunday, the family member would comment only about families' feelings on the pay issue and refused to discuss any other matter. The issue had been recently discussed among the soldiers' families, and had caused questions to be asked of the soldiers' devotion to duty.

"They are loyal to the New Zealand Army and they don't have to be. They know there's an easier option. We [the families] complain but wouldn't ever hear them complain.

"Money isn't important until you're taken for granted. They know they can get a lot more in Iraq. I've encouraged my [family member] to look at other options because of the money. If they're going to be in danger anyway, they may as well earn decent money for it."

The family member said the low pay made little economic sense, given the millions it cost to train each elite soldier. It was low pay that led to many of the soldiers leaving the SAS in search of better pay elsewhere - a loss of the investment in training.

The families were not looking for huge pay rises - they compared their pay with the base rate of $72,000 earned by the police Special Tactics Group, which occasionally trains with the SAS.

The family member said questions about pay rarely occurred to the soldiers. Many joined the army as teenagers and were trained exhaustively to accept everything the Defence Force threw at them.

It was only when they settled into relationships that the need for cash became obvious. Most of the soldiers in relationships were not the main earners, and relied on their partners to pay the bills. When it came time to start a family, most soldiers were faced with the prospect of increased expenses and a low income.

"They are extremely professional. They do everything they are asked and do it to the highest of standards. They are the elite. That's one of the reasons they would never complain about their salaries. It's not the done thing if you're a soldier. If a soldier goes on strike it's considered treason."

A statement from the Defence Force said staff received housing assistance, free clothing, funding of higher level education and a superannuation scheme. The entire package was worth $10,000 to $15,000. SAS soldiers also got a range of hazardous and arduous duties allowances to compensate for environmental or combat conditions.

"The New Zealand Defence Force does not benchmark against private security contractors and is unable to match the wages these organisations can offer. Often high wages attract high risk in the international security sector."

The statement said the SAS won a premium for its skills in a 2004 review. The Herald on Sunday understands the premium is about 15 per cent.

That's Peter Jackson's arse now! Lee has Suruman's staff. No telling what sort of spell he'll cast on Jackson now. Probably turn him into some kind of farm animal, or maybe even a giant gorilla.

Hahahahahaha! Good one Dave! :)

USED CAR SALESMAN FIRED FOR BEING TOO HONEST
03 May 2006

A Taranaki used car salesman fired for refusing to carry out a dishonest transaction has been awarded nearly $26,000 for lost wages and hurt and humiliation.


Gary Fraser worked for Francis Weston at Sportscar World in Stratford from February until July 2005 when he was fired.

On July 18 Mr Weston asked him to register a car despite not having the proper paperwork.

Mr Fraser refused and two days later, when he confronted Mr Weston about using his name to falsely register a car, he was fired.

Mr Fraser launched a personal grievance claim with the Employment Relations Authority (ERA) and in a written judgment it has ordered Mr Weston to pay him $15,300 for 17 weeks' lost wages and unpaid holiday pay, interest to be paid on that, $8000 compensation for humiliation, and $2500 costs – a total of $25,800 plus the interest.

Mr Weston was also ordered to pay a $500 penalty to the Crown by ERA member Denis Asher.

"Mr Fraser's dismissal was unlawful in that he was dismissed – and here I accept Mr Fraser's uncontested evidence – for refusing to undertake dishonest behaviour."

Mr Weston had claimed he fired Mr Fraser for stealing a vehicle and for passing on company information to competitors but Mr Asher said there was no evidence to back up those allegations.

"There is every indication that Mr Fraser's unjustifiable dismissal occurred in the context of an angry rage by his employer that was generated by (Mr Fraser's) refusal to behave dishonestly, as required by Mr Weston."

After being unemployed for 17 weeks, Mr Fraser is now working as a salesman at a truck wrecking company.

Sportscar World is no longer trading.

MINISTER BLAMES BBC FOR TSUNAMI CONFUSION...

4 May 2006

The Civil Defence Minister is now blaming international media for confusion over this morning's tsunami alert.

Some are angry that media reports of a giant wave coming to New Zealand were greeted with silence by Civil Defence here.

People began making plans to move to higher ground, despite the fact Civil Defence had learned the warning was cancelled a couple of hours after the initial report.

Newsrooms in this country were unable to contact anyone in authority, until well after the tsunami would have hit New Zealand's eastern shoreline.

Minister Rick Barker is defending his officials' handling of the tsunami alert and says Civil Defence issued a bulletin, only after it became aware that the BBC - in his words - "got it wrong".

He says that threw a spanner in the works because - he claims - the BBC was reporting there was a tsunami on its way, which he says is not his officials' fault.

Newstalk ZB staff who saw the BBC broadcast this morning say that the broadcaster merely reported that an alert had been issued by the Pacific Tsunami Warning Centre which included Fiji and New Zealand. The British broadcaster reported that the alert had been downgraded within minutes of the announcement coming from the Hawaii-based centre.

Mr Barker is being pilloried in Parliament over his department's failure to adequately handle this morning's tsunami alert.

National and the Greens are refusing to accept his passing of the blame on to the BBC report.

National's Nick Smith says the lack of communication is shameful. He says media repeatedly tried to contact the Civil Defence Service between five and seven o'clock this morning but either got no answer, or an answerphone.

Nick Smith says the minister's explanation is "rubbish" and adds that Civil Defence did an appalling job. He points out that the Pacific Tsunami Warning Centre issued its warning at 3.40am but there was no statement from Mr Barker's ministry till 6.50am.

(Silk ~ and the answering machine message at the Tsunami HQ apparently stated something to the effect of: "Good morning, Our lines are presently busy, but your call IS important to us.. *wide eyed disbelief!*...please hold and your call will be logged into the queue." *turns to watch the Tsunami wave towering above us and the sheep while standing in the queue!* Hmmmm...Huston, I think we have a problem!...)

Typical laid back New Zealand, we hear about events after they've been and gone! *LOL*

To report the sighting of a tsunami, press 1
To report hearing about a tsunami on the BBC, press 2
To report meeting someone who told you that they heard about a tsunami on the BBC, press 3
To report meeting someone who told you that they met someone else who had heard about a tsunami on the BBC, press 4
To listen to religious music while waiting for an operator, press 5
To listen to surfing music while waiting for an operator, press 6

1

Thank you for reporting the sighting of a tsunami. Your sighting is important to us. Please hold until we get back from the mountains.
To listen to other options, press 9

You guys are tops! That is absolutely funnydom to the max!!!! *ROTFLMAO!!*

TIGHTS PUT SQUEEZE ON RUGBY PLAYERS... (ooooo!)

05.05.06


Blame David Beckham and his penchant for wearing sarongs and his former Spice Girl wife Victoria's underwear but the latest training aid for top rugby players may soon be a nice pair of tights.

Sport scientists at Massey University who have been testing the effects of compression garments - or tights - on blood flow and recovery time among top rugby players, admit they have attracted some strange looks and comments over the study.

The compression tights have been designed to reduce the build-up of lactic acid immediately after periods of sustained exercise, allowing for a faster return to recovery levels.

The university's Institute of Food, Nutrition and Human Health spokesman Johann Edge said the study - which concludes on Tuesday - had generated a few hassles from amused observers.

"There are some people out there who have heard about what we are testing and think it's a case of 'harden up' and a few of the players weren't sure initially," he said. (Silk ~ harden up!!!??...WHAT?!, the tights cause THAT sort of reaction!!!?? Wouldn't that be a little dangerous while in on a scrum?...*L* Might attract a few more female spectators to the game I guess...)

When the study concluded on Tuesday, players aged between 18 and 21 would be asked about the social aspect of wearing the blue and silver coloured tights, he said.

"There's one player who wears them around university so he is quite comfortable with it all." (Silk ~ he also has a nice gucci bad and Trelise Cooper blouse...*L*...joking)

Each participant in the study was tested twice, with and without the compression tights in a simulated rugby game which involved sprints, weaving and one-man scrum machines. (Silk ~ I wanna see that! ...to see if they have hardened up atall! *LOL*)

The compression tights were worn during exercise and overnight recovery. (Silk ~ told y'it would be a dangerous thing to harden up during a scrum!)

Mr Edge's colleague Rob Merrells, also a researcher at the Institute of Food, combined forces with Dr Nic Gill, trainer of Super 14 team the Chiefs, and Dr Rob Duffield from Charles Sturt University in New South Wales for the study.

The tights work by applying differing surface pressure over specific body parts. (Silk ~ the boys love it! *L*)

That triggers an acceleration of blood flow, which increased oxygen delivery to working muscles - which is thought to enhance muscle performance. (Silk ~ SHEESH! AND DOUBLE SHEESH!)

Mr Edge says compression garments may be especially beneficial in periods of back-to-back training,(Silk ~ chortle, chortle, chortle...) and tournaments, where athletes' recovery time was often an issue.

(Silk ~ This might be the new alternative to Viagra and Cialis?!!)

KEITH RICHARDS NEEDS BRAIN SURGERY, SAYS REPORTS..

04.05.06 11.20am


The Rolling Stones' Keith Richards is to undergo urgent brain surgery, British news websites are reporting today.

Richards reportedly needs a brain operation to remove excess fluid after his fall on a Fijian island. (Silk ~ BULA! Too much Kava accumulation!)

Despite the ageing rocker being discharged from Auckland's Ascot hospital earlier this week with "mild concussion", his situation is reportedly worse than it first seemed.

Today's Sun newspaper in Britain claims that Richards is suffering dull headaches from a brain haemorrhage in the fall and surgery is imminent.

The paper quoted a source close to the Rolling Stones' entourage as saying: "Keith's accident has turned out worse than everybody feared.

"After the tests, doctors decided they should drain his skull. It given him a scare but he has been told that he should make a full recovery once it's done."

The musician's current location in not known. (Silk ~ isn't that typical for Keith though?)

(Silk ~ I have a plan! Let's save the drainings from his brain, bottle them and sell them on E-Bay!)

The pathology department at hospital is anxiously awaiting the drainage to remove the fluids and turn it into a snortable or injectable powder, which should get them all pretty wasted *L*

They'll get Goats Head Soup

Acc, you are one sharp cookie!

MAN CHARGED $12M FOR BANKCARD...

06.05.06


A Wellington man was horrified to discover he was more than $12 million in the red after his bank accidentally over-charged him for a new bankcard.

On Wednesday, Adrian Rumney, a financial analyst, had ordered a new personalised bankcard with a photo of his choice, advertised at $9.95.

Instead, his account was debited $12.18 million, which he only discovered when an efpos transaction was declined, the Dominion Post newspaper reported today.

It took until late yesterday, after "countless" calls, for the bank to reverse the charge, Mr Rumney told the paper.

National Bank spokesman Robert Reid apologised to Mr Rumney and said the bank had changed some operating procedures to ensure it did not happen again.

(That man needs an overdraft!...and quick!)

Kinda makes you wonder what the photo was of, that drew a charge of $12.8m!!

Taking a hiatus folkies....talk to yez later.

MAN GUILTY OF OPERATING ILLEGAL BAAAAAA.....

9 May 2006

A Christchurch man has been found guilty of operating an illegal bar (Silk - baaaaaaaa....) in his garage.

Trevor Bailey says he started the bar (Silk - baaaaa baaaaaaa....) after the law changed and he was forced to stand outside his local pub to have a smoke.

He says he opened up his garage to his friends and family who are heavy smokers like himself. (Silk - Smokey baaaaaaaaa...)

However, Judge Stephen Erber found him guilty largely because he sold tickets, which constituted a sale. (Silk - ...*rotflmao!* He was a regular Donald J Trump in the making!)

Bailey was fined $500 and also forfeited the alcohol seized by police, also valued at about $500 (Silk - Did they take his cigarettes as well????)

The judge should have put him behind baaaaaas
- for standing behind an illegal baaaaaa
??

Oh that Kiwi accent. :)
I sat opposite a NZ guy at a lunch of the wekend. Kept having to stop him to check words.

Him: That's a stat.
Me: A stat?
Him: A stat!
Me: A statistic?
Him: No! A stat
Me: Eh?
Him: A stat! A beginnin'
Me: Oh - a start!
Him: Yiz

BARKING DOGS PROTEST AGAINST MICROCHIPPING... (Silk - errr...he did say BARKING...didn't he?!)

10 May 2006

Farm dogs will be barking up a storm against microchipping today. (Silk - Bit of a Ruff day by the sounds!*L*)

Federated Farmers is launching its campaign against microchipping at the North Island Sheep Dog Trials at Orakeikorako, north of Taupo. Spokesman Keith Kelly says the argument that microchipping dogs will stop dog attacks is ludicrous.

Huntaway dogs taking part in the trials will stage a 'bark up', ahead of a bigger protest planned for June 2. (Silk - Bigger protest?..."Bark and Bite Rally"?)

Under proposed legislation, dogs registered for the first time from July will have to be microchipped. (Silk - Microchipping sounds like something they do at MacDonalds food outlets to make the spuds go a wee bit further fer the money)

POLICE OFFICER INVITED TO HOMOPHOBIC WORKSHOP...

18 May 2006

The police officer who told a prospective recruit he was wearing a "gay scarf" has been invited to a workshop for homophobic people.

The comment was made to a 20-year-old at a Careers Expo in Christchurch on Sunday.

The comments coincide with Gay Pride Week in Christchurch and organiser Brent Mitchell says they have extended an invitation to the senior police officer concerned.

He says the "Who Are You Hurting" workshop is designed to counter sexuality-based prejudices. Mr Mitchell says this kind of stereotypical comment is very disappointing.

(Silk - Maybe the scarf was cheerful and happy...y'know...Gay! :) *L* Sheesh, y'can't say anything these days for fear of being taken wrongly!)

"My! What a gay scarf you have today!" :)

ONLINE TRADERS OUTRAGED BY LIMB AUCTION...

May 18, 2006

It's the most unusual auction in Trade Me's history, but a Nelson man has been forced to abandon a bid to sell his amputated leg.

The seller says he needs the money, but the website says it won't allow the sale of body parts.

Nelson diabetic Shane Torrance has three legs - the left one, the prosthetic one and the frozen one.

"I got an ulcer the size of a 50c piece and it wouldn't go away, it took about three and a half years, I tried everything and so I asked them to amputate," Torrance says.

Now he wants to sell the leg to raise some much-needed cash.

"People say that I'm a bit strange you know but I've had the leg for 42 years, if I can get some good money for it, why not?"

The leg was listed on Tuesday with a reserve of $3000 but the auction was quickly pulled after 20 complaints and no bids.

And Trade Me says "TORRANCE DOESN'T HAVE A LEG TO STAND ON" (Silk...tee hee hee hee....good one!)

"One of our terms and conditions is that you can't sell body parts," says Mike....

Other weird items have gone for big bucks on Trade Me. There was the last cigarette smoked in an Auckland bar, the paper clip and advertising on a pregnant tummy.

But for now, the cancelled sale's left Torrance out on a limb.

"I'm going to get it embalmed and use it as a showpiece, keep it on the mantelpiece or use it as a joke at barbecues, put it on the table next to the salad," he says.

(Silk ~ this guy is brimming with creativity!)

PIG ON THE LOOSE IN WEST AUCKLAND...(Silk: Is this really all we have to worry about here in New Zealand?!!!)

Owner desperate to find missing pet pig after casual stroll got out of hand!

26 May 2006

The hunt is on in Taupaki, west of Auckland, for a lost pig. Brownie is hard to miss. She is 1.5m long, 70cm high - and pregnant, or sometimes called "with-piglet".

She escaped under the boundary fence and wandered off down the road. Her owner followed Brownie's tracks until they ran out and is now desperate to find her.

She says the pig can be approached. Apparently Brownie is very friendly, despite a rather scary and growling rumble.

If anyone sees Brownie they should call 09 810 9006

(Silk: I'd watch out Brownie...the pacific Islanders have a taste for pork honey! Police need to check the back yards of South Auckland! *LOL*)

*calls: Here Piggy,piggy,piggie....* Browinie come home!....

"Her owner followed Brownie's tracks until they ran out".

Clear tracks, and then all of a sudden, no tracks...
Well it's obvious isn't it?
The pig took to the air. It flies!

Of course they haven't found it. They're looking everywhere but the right place. They should be looking up.
And of course, should any small child call out 'Look up there, it's a flying pig' - well they'd just punish the child for trying to make a joke out a very serious missing pig situation.

"Apparently Brownie is very friendly, despite a rather scary and growling rumble."
Did you hear that? It sounded like thunder.
- and this rain smells funny.


Sings:
My Brownie flies over the ocean.
My Brownie flies over the sea.
My Brownie flies over the ocean.
Oh bring back my Brownie to me.

Bring back. Bring back.
Oh bring back my Brownie to me, to me.

*ROTFLMAO!!!*

*pops out her umbrella* This rain does smell funny.... Flying pigs?....Prolly only in New Zealand...*lol*
...and maybe Iowa...(at the end of my dad's boot...years ago....)*lol*

MANHOLE COVERS GO MISSING IN MANUKAU

Holes in the ground in Manukau as manhole covers go missing in at least six locations


30 May 2006

If you go down to South Auckland today, watch out - or you may get a big surprise.

Six manhole covers have been stolen from footpaths in Dannemora, Manukau, East Tamaki and Mangere.

Counties Manukau police are warning pedestrians to be careful walking down the street.

They say there may be more manhole covers missing which have not been reported yet.

(Silk: ...or to be politically correct, "Personhole covers" *L*)

To find the manhole covers:
1. Listen for enraged squealing sounds
2. Look out for a pig hovering over the ground at the end of a rope
3. Look at the ground end of the rope
4. There's your manhole cover

KIWI WINS CHEESE RACE FOR THIRD YEAR...

30 May 2006

A New Zealander has won the women's race at the annual Cheese Rolling Competition in Gloucester, England.

The contest sees dozens of people racing 200 metres down a steep hill after a large, hard cheese, each the size of a dinner plate.

Dione Carter, 26, from Auckland said after her third consecutive win that she now plans to retire.

She said she was very lucky to win again because there's no real technique to cheese rolling.

About 25 people, including 12 spectators, were hurt during the competition's five races with two taken to hospital

(Silk: They should make a movie about the "Rolling of the cheeses"!!! Soundtrack could include the music of Chubby Cheddar, The Brie Gees, Camembert Humperdink, Mozarella Fitzgerald, Bryan Edam, Stilton John, Colby Stilton Nash and the Beatles. The Beatles???? Yeah :) ... Grated Hits!)

Sheer brilliance Accasbel! YOU ARE SO RIGHT! First Brownie the pig! Now the manhole covers!

COINCIDENCE?? I THINK NOT! ;)

Hmmm, methinks we may have a case of Wisconsin expatriates infiltrating Kiwiland... ;(

DANGERS OF DRINKING AND FRYING HIGHLIGHTED...

20 June 2006

The fire that put two Christchurch people in hospital over the weekend may have been a classic example of the dangers of drinking and frying.

The man and a woman were both hospitalised after the house fire on Fenchurch Street in the suburb of Northcote.

Deputy Chief Fire Officer Greg Crawford says the fire started in the kitchen and although the exact cause is under investigation, it is known the couple came home late from a night out and tried to cook. (Silk - UH OH!)

He says the man was able to talk directly after the incident but is now on a respirator in intensive care due to smoke inhalation.

The woman who was dragged from the building unconscious has been released from hospital.

(Silk - Talk about a 'hot' date!)

A pretty 'hot' couple all around... *lol*

Dang woman! You shoulda seen 'em dancin' the Flambe! *L* *wipes smile from face and returns to the quiet corner.*

HEATED PRISON FLOORS OUTRAGE...

29 June 2006

National is astounded the Government has given the go-ahead to the installation of under floor heating in four new prisons.

Corrections spokesman Simon Power says it is a disgrace, as is the fact the Government is refusing to reveal the cost of the luxury.

Mr Power believes the revelation will horrify taxpayers. He says not many law-abiding people can afford under floor heating in their homes and the public will not be expecting to pay for it for some of the country's worst criminals.

The prisons with under-floor heating are Northland, Auckland Women's, Spring Hill and Milton

(Silk - I have a suggestion about that! How about increasing the heating pad to "FRY!" level, then we wont have any crim's to worry about, yeah?

Shit, this on top of government now allowing pregnant mothers to keep their babies in prison for up to two years! There is no deterrant whatsoever. They have made prison the club med of the underworld. They are breeding them into the mould, so that the kids see it as not unusual, as just a part of life. The crims have a better life than the rest of us hard working mugs out in the real world ~ but you wouldn't expect it to be from within the prisons! Feck 'em all!

Recently two 3 month old baby twins were beaten to death in a Maori household. They stonewalled the police before and during the funeral proceedings and have continued to do so. There is outrage throughout the country over this incident. It has been uncovered that these folk were living on social welfare benefits, bringing in up to $2,000 per week at the taxpayer's cost. They still managed to live in squalor, with drugs and booze as their stable diet. I wonder how many other homes in this country are doing the same? I wonder what causes folk to have no conscience towards their fellow man...and their very own children. Who would smash their own babies heads like that? It's irrepairably sick and should be punishable by death as far as I'm concerned.)

Addendum to above: They have not managed to nail the culprits who killed these babies yet.

BREAKTHROUGH IN KAHUI CASE EXPECTED SOON

24 July 2006

Six weeks after three-month-old twins Chris and Cru Kahui died in Starship Hospital in Auckland, family members have been told to expect a breakthrough in the case.

Two of the babies aunts have gone against the family's wishes and told TV One's Sunday programme the infants' mother Macsyne and her brother, Robert King, revealed the killer to family members.

Fiona and Denise King say they have passed the name on to police. They say the alleged killer is a male member of the "tight 12", the tag given to the family group living at the South Auckland house when the babies died. The pair say they want the truth to finally come out. The aunts have been told by police a breakthrough in the case may be announced early this week.

A post-mortem examination found the twins died from brain damage caused by a blow to their heads with a blunt object and not from shaken baby syndrome as first thought.

They also suffered broken ribs. The babies were taken off life support on June 18, five days after being taken to hospital. They died within hours of each other.

(Silk - If there is a reason to introduce the death penalty to New Zealand's justice system, here it is! I can think of many ways to cause this guy to rue the day he was born, and they are all very graphic and all illegal. How can there EVER be forgiveness for such heinous acts as these? How does one 'turn the other cheek' in such circumstances?)

That's not one of the offenses that get's the cheek turned.

NZ LAWYER WEARS SKIRT TO COURT

Jul 25, 2006

A prominent New Zealand lawyer who is bald and mustachioed turned up to court wearing a skirt and blouse and carrying a handbag in protest of what he says is a male dominated judiciary. (Silk - Gucci or Chanel?)

Rob Moodie, 67, fronted Wellington's High Court on Monday dressed in a navy blue skirt suit with added female extras, The Dominion Post newspaper reported.

"I will now, as a lawyer, be wearing women's clothing," Moodie was quoted as saying by the Post.

"The deeper the cover-up, the prettier the frocks."

Moodie says he is a heterosexual and is married with three children.

But he says he was born with an innate understanding of the female gender.

"I prefer and relate to the gender which is involved in the creation and nurturing of life: giving, sharing and also, I believe, fairness," he said.

"My confidence in the male ethos is zilch. It's a culture of intimidation, authority, power and control."

He was not sure which toilet he would be using at the court.

"I call it a flash of lace at the urinal."

It is not the first time Moodie, a one-time rugby player, has challenged convention.

In the 1970s he wore kaftans and women's clothing while working as secretary of New Zealand's Police Association.

In the past few years Moodie has litigated in a number of high-profile cases.

He was in court on Monday fighting contempt charges brought against him by the solicitor-general, over the posting on the internet of a suppressed report.

(Silk - *sigh*.... I rest my case ~ the world HAS gone crazy.)

NZ AUTHORITIES HEARESTERICAL

Transport authorities promised action after finding some drivers have listed their cars as hearses to cut registration fees.
The scam came to light when a Christchurch woman told a local radio station she had paid just NZ$58 to register her car, instead of the usual NZ$183, by registering it as a "noncommercial hearse to carry dead animals".
The woman's definition of 'carrying dead animals'?
--- taking frozen chickens home from the supermarket

~ yes!...and y'know what? IT'S ALL TRUE!!!!!! *lol*

SOUTH ISLAND - HOME OF VOLUPTUOUS WOMEN
17 August 2006

The biggest and arguably the best assets in the country can be found in possession of women living in Nelson and the West Coast, with a survey revealing women from the region were the bustiest in the country.


Lingerie maker Fayreform said a recent survey showed South Island women really did come from the land of plenty – while their North Island counterparts were left in their shadow.

The Nelson-West Coast region was home to the bustiest ladies, with the most popular full cup size in the region, a 16E – the largest in the 10 New Zealand regions surveyed.

Proving the South Island cup runneth over the Otago-Southland and Canterbury regions also had the most popular full cup sizes, with 12E and 16DD respectively.

Fayreform Bra-ologist Carol Rashleigh said bust sizes in the South Island were generally bigger across the board than the North Island.

Forty-four per cent of women in the South Island were D cup and larger, compared with 40 per cent in North Island, she said.

"Our findings show the South Island really is the bosom of New Zealand."

Wellington and the Bay of Plenty were rather deflated regions in comparison, with women from those regions more likely to be petite sizes.

Both regions rounded out the statistics with an average bust size of 14B – smaller than the national average of 14C – while 14D was the most prevalent full cup size.

Auckland women may live in the largest city in the country but were at the smaller end of the scale all-round, with the most popular full bust size being just a 12D.

The trend continues down the middle of the North Island with the most popular full bust size in the Waikato being 16D and the Central Plateau-Taranaki 14D.

Ms Rashleigh said it was difficult to pinpoint exactly why there were regional differences.

"The good farming stock and healthy outdoor lifestyles in the South Island must be producing these voluptuous women."

The number of women who were D cup and over had increased in both the North and South Island over the past five years, she said.

In 2000, 30 per cent of South Island and 29 per cent of North Island women were D cup and above compared with 44 and 40 per cent respectively now.

"There are a number reasons being cited for this increase – from exercise, the contraception pill and better nutrition. However, we are focused on helping provide the right support rather than the science behind the increase."

Ms Rashleigh said the survey carried out to promote the Fayreform National Breast Pride Week, with women being encouraged to wear their breasts with pride.

(SILK - Here! Here!...I drink to that! puffs chest out...*L*)

(SILK - Could there be a correlation to this article and the infamous bra fence of Cardrona Valley???? *L*)

OTATO HAS BEATEN NORTHLAND IN THEIR AIR NEW ZEALAND CUP RUGBY MATCH, SCORING FOUR UNANSWERED TRIES

13 August 2006

Otago has beaten Northland 37-6 in tonight's Air New Zealand Cup match in Dunedin, scoring four unanswered tries. (SILK - They should rename it..."The Air New Zealand Mammary Cup"...*LOL*)

Chris King, Neil Brew, Nick Evans and Greg Zampach each dotted down, with Nick Evans converting each try and kicking three penalties.

Otago led 23-6 at half-time. (SILK - Now you know what motivates those Southern men! *LOL*)

No doubt the women and men of South Island will feel uplifted by one/other/both of the above stories.

I'm sure they will feel well supported...*LOL*

MEN AWAIT WOMEN AT STEWART ISLAND BALL
19 August 2006

Are you female, single and mourning the absence of real men in your life?

Then you should be at tonight's Stewart Island Singles Ball, where about 80 strictly southern men await your company.

The lads are nice, very handsome and the type who would literally give you the shirt off their back (SILK - and a few other items if the evening goes well! *L*), said organiser Doug Beck. "Stewart Island men are hunters and gatherers," he said. (SILK - Hunter/Gatherers???...sheesh that sounds a tad neanderthalic!)

"They work hard and play hard and while they don't have difficulties meeting women, the problem is getting them to stay on their island paradise." (SILK - Maybe they need to clip their coats back a bit? *L*)

But they had made changes to improve the lot of women on the island, said Beck.

"Things are looking up with shops and things and there's a couple of little clubs going on knitting something or painting something where they can have a bit of an afternoon out." (SILK - ROTFLMAO!!!! Clip your man then make a nice jersey from the clippin's)

It has been noted on the island that women get touchy without shops to spend their money in, but a couple of new shops selling clothing and jewellery were changing that, he said. (SILK - SHOPS...SOMEONE MENTIONED SHOPS!!! Ooh they've set the trap and await their prey! How dastardly!)

"It's sort of male-dominated because of the hunting and fishing (SILK - not to mention gathering...) and we like to socialise. There's not much else to do. (SILK - ho hum...I think I'll go gather a few berries and shoot a few muttonbirds today...) We get sick of sitting at home so we congregate at the pub (SILK - as y'do!). The next thing you know someone's organising a party somewhere." (SILK - over at the Island knitter's hall? Have a few beers and try on those nice new jerseys?)

The 250 attendees at tonight's ball are guaranteed a fabulous time, with one of the biggest dances the island has seen, a seafood feast, 4am bonfire and the chance to nab a truly southern man.

(SILK - OMG...Where can the gals sign up fer this treat? *ROTFLMAO*)

*Does the maths*

"250 attendees"
less "about 80 strictly southern men"
indicates about 170 "female, single" checking out the "about 80" men.

Hmmmmm!
In yer dreams lads!

*lmao*

Not exactly News from peaceful New Zealand, but CRIKEY!...it's needing a mention...

Australia's sad loss of Steve Irwin, "The Crocodile Hunter" came as a shock to everyone I know, far and wide, yesterday. Australia has lost an icon and 'good guy', and the world has lost a true and completely enthusiastic champion of the world's wildlife.

His wife and kids have lost their world.

Here's to the memory of our good old "Croc Hunter".

Again, not news from New Zealand but a loss that impacts greatly on the Australasian automotive racing community. Legendary and larger than life Australian racing giant and absolute good guy, Peter Brock, was killed while racing today at age 61.

Two huge losses in one week for our Auzzie mates. Unbelieveable guys.

Gonna tie a black ribbon to the aerial of my Holden tomorrow. :(

...and in BREAKING NEWS today...

"WOUND-UP" PIG BITES WOMAN ON THE LEG.
8.00am Monday September 18, 2006

A woman was airlifted to Palmerston North Hospital on Saturday after being bitten on a leg by a "wound-up" pig.

The Square Trust rescue helicopter was called to a farm near Eketahuna late in the afternoon after the woman, 41, was bitten by a boar while shifting stock.

A spokesman said the boar was "wound-up" because a sow was in season.

(SILK: I suspect a link between this "wound-up" boar in Eketahuna and the the disappearance of South Auckland pig "Brownie" of 26th May! Ahem...this is national news?!)

And I hear that Farmer Brown fell off a ladder whilst cleaning out the rain gutters on his cow barn.

A spokesman for the rescue services said that the whole thing went like clockwork?

Brownie?
Where's my pork-key?

*searches for spit roasting unit*

Is this a wind-up?

- Would certainly put the wind up the pig. :)
- It'd be severely disgruntled.

*sniggers* Spokesman for the pig said, "He couldn't help himself!...He was boar-d"

Did your hear about the porcine bigamist?

- He was a right sow-and-sow.


*I'll get me coat*

That pig deserves a dose of his own medicine. He should be bitten over and over again after being smoked over a nice mesquite fire...

Some things you may never have wanted to know about pigs:
(from http://www.jayp.net/trivia/animal01.htm


x- A pig's penis is shaped like a corkscrew.
Acc: Suddenly, all this talk of being "wound up" makes sense.

x- It is physically impossible for pigs to lookup into the sky.
Acc: That's why they fly. They have to get up there to see what's there.

x- A pig's orgasm lasts for 30 minutes.
Acc: That's why you seldom see them flying. They have better things to do.

Hmmmmm....30 minutes you say?

OW! OW! OW! OW! OW! OW!

*Covers eyes*

LETTERMAN WELCOMES "HELEN CLARK" (PM of New Zealand)

22 September 2006

PM is not taking too seriously being lampooned on David Letterman's Late Show on CBS Network TV in USA.

The Prime Minister has little comment on the reference made to her on top American talkshow, the Late Show with David Letterman.

Letterman welcomed onto the show someone he said was "the Prime Minister of New Zealand", whom he claimed was in New York for the UN General Assembly. - however, instead of Helen Clark turning up, it was a leggy blonde woman. (SILK: Rachel Hunter?)

He then used his regular Top 10 slot to ask the question "how do you know if your husband is gay". ( ~listens with interest ~)

According to Letterman's CBS website, amongst the top ten signs include

"9. On your wedding day, you wore the same dress";

"4. During "Brokeback Mountain," He mumbles, "It didn't happen exactly like that";

and "3. At your sister's wedding reception, he caught the bouquet".

A spokeswoman for Miss Clark says there is no evidence the two segments were related. She says as far as the Prime Minister is concerned, they were unconnected items. (SILK: What was?...the wearing the same dress or the catching of the bouquet? *expression of angst*)

The spokeswoman says Helen Clark's office is not taking it too seriously. (*lol*...not TOO... seriously?"

The Prime Minister's husband Peter Davis earlier today spoke out on rumours surrounding him and flatly denied that he's gay (SILK: Poor Peter Pumpkin eater)

*dying laughing*.... Sheesh, you guys never miss a beat.

Nice endorphin-release work.

THAT'S MISS ALICE, TO YOU!

Lawyer Rob Moodie officially becomes Miss Alice 9.30am Saturday October 21, 2006


Quirky lawyer Rob Moodie has officially changed his name to Miss Alice.

That's first name Miss, last name Alice.

The 68-year-old Feilding lawyer made a statutory declaration to the registrar of births, deaths, and marriages to make the name change legal, The Dominion Post reported.

He had also applied to the High Court to have his name changed on the roll of barristers and solicitors, and the Law Society had been advised.

He has already worn an Alice in Wonderland outfit to the Court of Appeal and said he would continue to wear women's clothes for court appearances.

"Some days I'm in court and I'm the prettiest thing there," he told the newspaper.

The married father-of-three has previously worn kaftans as a protest at macho culture.

He returned to wearing women's clothing this year as a protest against what he claimed was the corrupt way King Country farmers Margaret and Keith Berryman were treated after an army-built bridge on their farm collapsed, killing the man who was driving across it.

Is he a nutter or what??

Heard just a moment ago the Father of the 3 month old Kahui Twins (story I mentioned earlier this year) has been brought to custody and charged with their murder.

Perhaps once he's into the female clothing thing, he may decide to no longer be a nutter?

MYSTERIOUS HUMMING DRIVING AUCKLANDERS 'BONKERS'

Friday October 27, 2006

A mysterious humming driving people to despair across Auckland has pricked the ears, and curiosity, of scientists trying to find the source.

Massey University computer engineering scientists Tom Moir and Fakhrul Alam have been contacted by more than 30 people, most in Auckland and the North Shore, who claim to have heard a humming noise.

The symptoms are similar to those suffered by people with tinnitus, commonly associated with a prolonged high-frequency ringing in the ear.

The scientists are visiting people who can hear the humming, and trying to measure the noise in the hope they will be able to identify its source.

People from central Auckland to Kaiwaka in Northland have reported the sound, as have residents from the North Shore suburbs of Torbay, Browns Bay, Murrays Bay, Birkenhead and Beach Haven, and Stanmore Bay on Whangaparaoa.

The scientists are measuring the frequency by playing a second low frequency to someone who can hear the humming. When the person can no longer hear the hum, the frequency they are playing is the same as the humming noise.

Dr Moir said people could definitely hear a sound. "It's quite serious to them, it's driving them bonkers. I was there at the same time and I couldn't hear anything."

He said the sound was well within the average hearing range for people.

Most people can hear between 20 hertz and 20 kilohertz and the humming is around 56 hertz, according to Dr Moir's research.

Not everyone could hear the sound, because of its low volume, he said.

"We're all born differently - some people are better runners, some people are better hearers."

An Auckland woman who heard the sound described it as a "low drone or rumble".

The woman, who asked not to be named or have her suburb identified, said the noise had become so bad she was thinking about selling her home.

"I absolutely love my home but last night I couldn't get to sleep before 5am. In desperation I even tried to put Blu-Tack in my ears," she said.

But nothing works. The noise is louder inside and during the night when there are no other sounds to mask it.

The woman said there was no point telling people who could not hear it because they thought she was "stark raving mad".

The founder, patron and counsellor of the New Zealand Tinnitus Association, Joan Saunders, said some of the people who contacted Dr Moir did have tinnitus, but not all of them.

She could not diagnose everyone without meeting them, she said.

Dr Moir could not hear the sound himself but his wife, Jude, could.

She described the sound as an "awful noise and sensation".

"It feels creepy. It's not a place I'd like to live regularly," Mrs Moir said.

Author Rachel McAlpine based her 2005 novel The Humming on her experiences of a mysterious humming in Puponga, near Farewell Spit.

The book featured an unknown humming noise that plagued only certain people in a small town.

ICEBERGS APPROACHING NEW ZEALAND

4 November 2006

A giant flotilla of 100 icebergs in two groups has been spotted in the southern ocean just 261km from Invercargill.

A Royal New Zealand Air Force Orion aircraft crew made the find on a routine fisheries patrol in the Southern Ocean.

The largest is estimated to have covered an area 2km by 1.5km, and is over 130 metres high.

Squadron Leader Andy Nielsen says while it is not unusual to see icebergs in the Southern Ocean he is surprised by the number of them and how far north they are.

"As we were operating in a major shipping lane and, due to the number of these things floating around, we thought it wise that Maritime New Zealand be informed", he said.

Although many of the ice-bergs are expected to melt the further north they travel, it is thought that the largest could be visible from Stewart Island given the right weather and tidal conditions over the coming days.

(SILK: OMG! Does this mean???!!! ...I may not have to go into work t'morra marnin'? I can see tomorrow's headline!..."NEW ZEALAND HAS SINKING FEELING AS ICEBERG FLOTILLA APPROACHES!"

Quick!...someone whip the theme from "Titanic" on the jukie!!!...I'll go stand on the Jetty in Invercargill and look fretfully out to sea, while the rest o' yez scramble like worried ants fer cover. HURRY!

CALL OUT THE LIFEGUARD!!!...we need 4 million inflatable rubber tyre innertubes for my countrymen and women, and we need 'em fast!...

oh...and a few of them tasty ration packs the army drop for afternoon tea wouldn't go amiss either!

WOMEN AND CHILDREN FIRST!....WOMEN AND CHILDREN FIRST.... SHEEP NEXT! ;)

Forget that, just get an industrial strength ice crusher, 4 million glasses and a month's worth of output from the Paddy Distillery.

Revision of an earlier post:

To report the sighting of a tsunami, press 1
To report the sighting of an iceberg, press 2
To report the sighting of an iceberg surfing towards NZ on a tsunami, press everything

Press on to the inland, highlands.

WANTED: CONDOM TESTERS!
11 December 2006

Durex are accepting job applications from people who want to work as condom testers (SILK: overseas applicants urged to get in quick!..*LOL*)

If you are looking for a new job, then Durex has you covered. (SILK: Groan!...at the pun of course...at the pun!!!)

The condom company is giving people (SILK: Even your everyday Joe!) the chance to mix business with pleasure, by opening applications (Opening what?!!) for condom testers.

Durex New Zealand manager Victoria Potter says the purpose of the testers is to get feedback on its products. Applicants are required to provide details as to why they are suitable for the job.

Job seekers can register by visiting www.explorersclub.co.nz

*rotflmao!!!!*

SNAIL PROTESTORS LOSE SOLID ENERGY FIGHT
8 December 2006

The High Court has ruled in favour of Solid Energy and against the protestors trying to stop the removal of giant native snails to allow mining in Happy Valley on the West Coast.

The protestors unsuccessfully challenged the legality of the Minister's decision granting Solid Energy a Wildlife Permit to relocate the snails. (SILK: relocate?...to a panful of garlic butter perhaps?)

Under the permit, the company is required to find at least 250 snails but to date has collected more than 1600.

(SILK: Something about this deal seems a little fishy, wouldn't y'tink?)

CROWDED HOUSE CONFIRM REUNION WORLD TOUR
Thursday January 25, 2007

Crowded House have confirmed they will reform to record an album and undertake a world tour.
Nineties chart topping band Crowded House have announced they will reform to record a new album and undertake a world tour.

Rumours circulated earlier this week that a reunion was in the works when New Zealand frontman Neil Finn arrived in Melbourne to audition drummers.

Finn and fellow founding member, bassist Nick Seymour, will reform the band alongside new drummer Mark Hart.

Hart will replace former member Paul Hestor, who took his own life two years ago.

In a statement released this morning, Finn said: "After spending most of last year making music and hanging out with my friend Nick Seymour we are now announcing our intention to reform Crowded House with a new record entitled Time On Earth.

"It feels right to us that the band should re-emerge at this time and together with Mark Hart we look forward to reconnecting with the audience that we established and for whom we still hold a deep respect.

"We aim to make the upcoming shows and the new music every bit as vital and spirited as what has come before. We are conscious that Paul Hester was above all a great drummer and we are currently auditioning to find someone special to take that role."

The new album is nearing completion and is set to be released later this year.

Tour dates have yet to be announced but the band is confirmed to play at the Coachella Music and Arts Festival in California this April, along with Bjork, Red Hot Chilli Peppers and Rage Against the Machine.

(SILK: Yaaaaaaaaaaaaayyyyyyy!)

CARDBOARD COP CAR CUTS DOWN SPEEDING
Wednesday January 24, 2007

A cardboard cutout police car is slowing traffic at Nelson road work sites in an initiative roading contractors hope may cut speed nationwide.

Fulton Hogan is using the fake police car to slow drivers near road works in the Nelson region, The Nelson Mail reported.

The $1000 model has been used for just over a week, with better results that speed restriction signs, regional manager Tim Talbot said.

Seeing the car prompted some drivers to slow down and others to put on seatbelts.

The idea, the brainchild of the company's traffic management supervisor Mike Gibney, originated out of concern that staff may be injured by speeding motorists.

The two-dimensional cutout car was placed at sites where the speed limit was reduced from 100km/h to 30km/h, and was moved between sites to keep drivers guessing.

Mr Gibney was monitoring speed using a hand held speed gun and planned to present his findings to Transit New Zealand, in the hope the initiative will be adopted nationally.

Tasman district road policing manager Hugh Flower said police were impressed by the idea.

HIP AND COOL BUSDRIVERS SOUGHT
Monday 12 March 2007

Bus and Coach Association are looking for young and female drivers to change perception most are grumpy old men (SILK:...but they ARE!!!...aren't they??....How many bus drivers do you know who are women and happy?)

The Bus and Coach Association is working to make the industry seem hip and cool to attract new drivers.

The industry has launched a campaign to find up to 500 drivers, as the national shortage reaches crisis point. (SILK: You mean....we have a national shortage of BUS DRIVERS???!!! Well hell...let's open a Bus drivin' school and get those suckers trained! Can't have a country relying on tourism without any bus drivers! Sheesh!)

Executive Director (SILK: And chief Grumpy old man...) John Collyns says at the moment 80 percent of drivers are men, and most are aged between 45 and 64. (SILK: I rest my case!*L*...however, I'd like to know what happens to grumpy old men after 64?...or is there no catagory for them?)

He says they want to change the perception that most bus drivers are grumpy old men (SILK: Like I said...they ARE!). Mr Collyns says they are keen to bring in younger people and more women. (SILK: That was very carefully said doncha think??!! *L* Sounds to me like they are KEEN to entertain the "Grumpy old men" *L*)

(SILK: Some countries have shortages of brain surgeons, IT staff, opthamologists, Producers, etc.... but no....here in NZ it's Bus Drivers.*L*)

LOCALS MAD AT WILD FOODS DISORDER
(SILK: *sub heading* GREEN AROUND THE GILLS IN HOKITIKA)
Monday 12 March 2007

Two Hokitika women are furious The Wild Foods Festival organisers praised crowds, saying instead they were horrified by drunken behaviour

Thirty one people were arrested during the weekend for alcohol related offences.

A local woman, who does not want to be named, says she was horrified by the amount of drunken festival goers of all ages, urinating and vomiting on her property on Saturday night. She says several cars on her street were broken into (SILK: Probably desperate to lie down and let their stomachs settle!), and residents near Cass Square were left frightened and upset by the amount of disorder (SILK: Dis order, dat order....will dat be with fries sir?).

Another local, who was involved in rubbish clean up at Westland High School, says she was disgusted by the amount of vomit and human faeces left on the field. (SILK: OMG! That is disgusting! Ewwwwww!!!!...Still I suppose that's what y'get for eating Chilli worm fritters, marinated garlic goat testicles, Deep fried huhu bugs, Chocolate dipped crickets, and that sort of thing??)

Both women have complained to the Westland District Council. (SILK: Council will probably need to send out a few cartons of indigestion lollies to deal with the aftermath *L*)

There's a story in the 'srange' section of a local paper here..

A woman in North Island, NZ...

complained to the police that people had stolen plants from her garden....

very upset she was....

She was fond of those cannabis plants!! :)

You never know when your life (and your plants), will go up in smoke

"No stems no seeds that you don't need, Acapulco Gold is *SWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW* badass weed." Cheech and Chong

Yes indeed! I believe a young woman of Napier was totally pissed that her plants had AGAIN been pinched! Four years in a row! *L* The police are investigating the theft, and have issued a warning to the woman about the illegal nature of her garden plants.

What I wanna know is....was she blonde? *DUCKS!!...lol*

I read an article yesterday which discussed how men are becoming more and more concerned with their looks, and have taken to skin care, cosmetics, enhancements, etc, in their droves. What I found interesting was that it was mentioned that there is now an equivalent in maledom to the female push-up bra!!

It is called the contour jockstrap! The mind boggles! *L*

~ News from my backyard ~

FLOOD DAMAGE TO TOP $80 MILLION
1st April 2007

Severe flooding in the Far North and Bay of Islands has left an estimated repair bill of up to $80 million.

Civil defence and emergency agencies said that estimate included about $20 million for damage to the local roading network alone. The one-in-150-year event left a trail of destruction across rural and urban areas, Far North District Council spokesman Rick McCall said. Preliminary assessments suggested as many as 3000ha of Far North farmland were affected.

About 2000 homes were without power or phones during the peak of the flooding, but power had since been restored to all properties.

There were still problems with the fresh water supply at Paihia, Waitangi, Haruru Falls, Opua and Kawakawa. Fire Service appliances pumped water into main pipes, while council staff continued to repair centralised pumps. Residents were told to restrict water use to the absolute minimum and boil all drinking water until further notice. Water quality was expected to be back to safe levels by Monday.

SILK:
The view from my kitchen window on Thursday 29 March 07...


From the top of my road. The green fields nothing but muddy waters...


Swimming in my garden prior to water breaching the railway line....hey, if you can't beat it, join it!


Meanwhile...just around the corner from me civil defense swings into action....*L*...(joking...we have more than one on the job that day!)


Pretty soon the raging torrant breached the railway lines, This has not happened since Cyclone Bola back in 1988, so we knew we were in for a bit of a challenge!


Normally a beautiful green and pleasant park, torrential rain converts the landscape into a rushing river of silt and debris.


Meanwhile, up near where my folks live....a one way bridge moans and groans under the force of the raging river. Historic places and nearby homes under threat are evacuated.



Whadda week!

EASTER BUNNY LOOKS DOWN RIFLE BARREL
rabbit not on lunch menu for hunters

9 April 2007

It was a grim Easter for rabbits in Otago this year as 400 hunters shot more than 16,000 bunnies in the Great Alexandra Easter Bunny Hunt.

Organiser Martin McPherson says it was a great contribution to wiping out the central Otago pest. Hunters from all over the country met on Good Friday and were assigned to farms and sheep stations around the area. They had 24 hours to bag the bunnies and met in Alexandra at 1pm on Saturday for the count up, prize giving and lunch. Surprisingly, rabbit was not on the menu.

The cull was down on last year, when about 22,000 were shot.

(SILK: How could they!!!!!! They killed the Easter bunnies!!!....waaahhhhhhhhhh)

TEAM NEW ZEALAND HAS FINISHED TOP OF THE STANDINGS AND HAS CHOSEN TO RACE DESAFIO ESPANOL IN THE SEMIS
10 May 2007

Team New Zealand will meet Desafio Espanol in the semifinals of yachting's Louis Vuitton Cup off Valencia.

NZL92 has beaten Oracle(SILK: The AMERICANS!) by a minute and 34 seconds this morning to finish round robin two unbeaten and at the top of the standings.

After an even start NZL92 tacked to the right, while Oracle held on and went left. It quickly became apparent that Team New Zealand's decision was the right one and soon the separation was over 1200 metres.

The New Zealand crew held a lead of almost a minute at the first mark and while Oracle kept the margin to a minute and 34 seconds, they never really threatened.

Team New Zealand had the choice of opponent as the top qualifier for the semis and the decision to choose Desafio was expected.

They will race the best of nine race series starting on Tuesday morning with Oracle and Luna Rossa to square off in the other semifinal.

Go Spain!!!

WINS FOR TEAM NEW ZEALAND AND LUNA ROSSA AS THE SEMIFINALS OF THE LOUIS VUITTON CUP GET UNDERWAY

15 May 2007

Team New Zealand has gone one-nil up in its best of nine race semifinal series against Desafio Espanol in yachting's Louis Vuitton Cup off Valencia.

NZL92 has recorded a 43 second win in race one, leading from start to finish. Racing has been held in 10 to 19 knot shifty breezes that has tested the after guards.

Meanwhile a shock result in the first race of the other semifinal. Luna Rossa has upset the favoured American boat Oracle by two minutes and 19 seconds. The Italians dominated the race and utilised conditions well to grab the early initiative in its top four showdown.

TEAM NEW ZEALAND LAUGHS OFF SUGGESTIONS THEY'LL CRUISE INTO THE FINALS OF LOUIS VUITTON CUP WITH NO LOSSES - SAYING TOO EARLY TO TELL
16 May 2007

All hands on deck is the cry from Team New Zealand as they prepare for race three of the Louis Vuitton Cup semi finals.

They lead two-nil after another comfortable win over Desafio Espanol.

Bowman Jero Lomas says everyone on the boat is working hard to improve the overall crew work. Lomas says the everyone is involved in crew work and no one is carried as a passenger anymore.

Team New Zealand is laughing off talk of a five nil white-wash in the semi finals of yachting's Louis Vuitton Cup off Valencia.

Plenty are suggesting Team New Zealand's cruising towards a clean sweep.

However Kiwi strategist Ray Davies says that's a big call. He says the racing is still close and he would be surprised if they went through unbeaten.

Meanwhile Oracle and Luna Rossa are building up an exciting series that is locked at one-all after Oracle's come from behind 13 second victory this morning.

SPANISH CHALLENGE BREATHES LIFE INTO THE LOUIS VUITTON CUP WITH A COMFORTABLE WIN OVER TEAM NEW ZEALAND
17 May 2007

Team New Zealand has suffered its first loss in the semifinals of yachting's Louis Vuitton Cup off Valencia.

The Spanish Challenge has recorded a one minute and 14 second win in race three, capitalising on a penalty NZL92 received in the pre-start, and leading for the entire race.

Team New Zealand skipper Dean Barker says the penalty is not the reason they lost. He says they still achieved everything they wanted to at the start but the problem was they could not get in front to ensure they could complete the penalty turn without losing the advantage.

He says they knew the Spaniards would be aggressive so they tried to match that aggression at the start and did not get into the right position. Barker concedes the loss is a reality check for his crew, but they have always had respect for the Spanish team.

Desafio Espanol skipper Karol Jablonski says it was a perfect day for them. He says they worked hard and the crew did a great job.

Team New Zealand leads the best of nine semi final series 2-1.

Luna Rossa holds the same advantage over Oracle. James Spithill made a great start as the Italians won by 31 seconds to take a 2-1 lead in the series. He says his after guard did a great job.

Tomorrow is a rest day with racing to resume on Saturday morning.

"but the problem was they could not get in front"

Yes. I can see how that would be a problem in a race :)

Don't they carry cannons onboard anymore these days? That would have fixed the 'problem'.

WINS FOR NZL92 AND LUNA ROSSA
19 May, 2007

NZL 92 leads the Spanish challenge 3-1 after a 42 second win over Desafio Espanol off Valencia in Spain. Luna Rossa has beaten Oracle by 23 seconds to lead their best of nine semifinal series 3-1.

Adam Beashel returned to the Team New Zealand afterguard today after seriously injuring the index finger on his left hand in April.

FOLLOWING WINS OVER DESAFIA ESPANOL AND ORACLE, TEAM NZ AND LUNA ROSSA CLOSER TO FINAL OF LV CUP
20 May 2007

Team New Zealand and Luna Rossa have moved another step towards the Louis Vuitton Cup final after winning their races off the coast of Spain overnight.

Team New Zealand is just one win away from a place in the final after scoring a one minute 49 second win over Desafio Espanol. The Spaniards took the lead at the start, but Team New Zealand quickly recovered and opened up a 35 second advantage by the first mark.

Italian syndicate Luna Rossa also took a 4-1 lead after winning its race against Larry Ellison's Oracle.

The Louis Vuitton Cup final will take place in June 1. The the winner races Swiss defender Alinghi for the America's Cup trophy on June 23.

TEAM NEW ZEALAND HAS A 4 - 2 LEAD OVER THE SPANISH BUT ORACLE HAS BEEN KNOCKED OUT OF THE LOUIS VUITTON CUP
21 May 2007

Team New Zealand has to wait but Luna Rossa is through to the final of yachting's Louis Vuitton Cup off Valencia.

Desafio Espanol has beaten NZL92 by 15 seconds and Luna Rossa has beaten Oracle by 33 seconds, giving the Italian syndicate a 5-1 win in the best of nine semi final series.

Oracle was considered a favourite to win the challenger series and face Alinghi for the America's Cup. Oracle's New Zealand skipper Chris Dickson has struggled against James Spithill all of the regatta so was replaced at the helm this morning by Sten Mohr but it did not make any difference.

NZL92 holds a 4-2 lead in its best of nine race semifinal against the Spanish.

Tomorrow's a lay day so Team New Zealand will try and book their place in the finals on Wednesday morning.

(Not news from NZ, but it tickled my fancy anyway...*L*)

STIFF OPPOSITION TO OYSTER FARMER'S PLANS

Australian oyster farmer Bill May served with paper by Pfizer over plan to sell shellfish infused with anti impotence drug Viagra
3 June 2007

An Australian oyster farmer is facing stiff opposition (SILK: ...rotflmao!) as he tries to sell shellfish infused with the anti-impotence drug, Viagra.

George May apparently came up (SILK: ...rotflmao) with the idea of adding Viagra to the fishy aphrodisiac after he had prostate cancer surgery that could have left him impotent.

Food safety experts say it will be a hard sell (SILK: rotflmao) to get the oysters on the market because they have been contaminated, albeit deliberately.

In a patented process, the oysters are reared in a tank of normal water, and transferred into a solution of Viagra, where they absorb the little blue pill's active ingredient.

Pfizer...the company which makes Viagra, says it is a prescription medicine which is not to be used frivolously (SILK: yeah right...tell that to all the 'recreational' users). The company has served papers on Mr May aimed at stopping him using the trademarked name.

PS: Challenger series finals: Team New Zealand 2, Luna Rossa 0.

Go the Kiwis!

Team NZ, 3 - Luna Rossa, 0

TEAM NEW ZEALAND THROUGH TO AMERICA'S CUP

7 June 2007
Team New Zealand made the Louis Vuitton Cup a 5-0 whitewash this morning.

The black boat crossed the line 22 seconds ahead of Luna Rossa. The win saw the usually reserved crew jump into each other's arms, whooping and cheering.

Skipper Dean Barker says he is very proud of his crew and never dreamed they would have a straight run through. He says the crew plans to enjoy this moment, then there is a lot of hard work ahead.

Team New Zealand takes on Alinghi for the America's Cup on June 23 in another best-of-nine showdown.