okay... great... but i want a bottle of stoli for this

the first man was made of clay... okay so it was an accident... the lord of the forge was trying for something different all togeather his daughter wanted a doll and he made on... unfortunately it got droped into the wrong vat.. we al make mistakes you know.


WEll once man crawled spluttering out of the vat of life.. the lord of the forge couldn't just kill it now could he.. his daughter would have a fit and his wife probibly wouldn't talk to him for a century or two... it would be worse than that dinosaur fisaco.

well he put man down on the earth and man just stood there dumbly looking about. lost in what he was to do next... so the lord of the forge gave the man the intelligance to adapt to his surroundings. well a few years went by and the man was still one man and on the edge of survival.

the man cryed to the lord of the forge... "what am i gonna do now oh lord... i have a home... yeah sure it's a cave but it is dry. i have plenty of food... but i almost froze last winter... what am i gonna do about that... i can't kill anything but fish... and i am not very good at that. oh lord give me wisdom"

so the lord of the forge aggreed that man needed some wisdom. he thought and thought on the problem .. till he came up with a solution... he called it woman.

the woman knew the secrets of fire and knew more about hunting... but the lord had also seen that the man was a little lazy and decided that the man must earn his wisdom.

"man" he said "you shall have your wisdom.. but first you must complete three tasks. if you complete them to my satisfaction you shall have your wisdom.. if not then you shall have to figure it out on your own." man reluctantly agreed and prepaired for the tasks to be announced.

"task one is to gather rushes from the edge of your world" this seemed impossible to the man... the fact that the reeds were only at the end of his little valley just didn't quite fit into the equasion. so the man packed for a very long journey. he reached the end of the vally about a day and a bit latter and preceided to gather as many reeds as he could. he soon realized that he wouldn't be able to carry it all back in one trip... so being as lazy as he was he sat down and did some thinking(rare indeed for this man)suddenly he stood crying out in joy. he cut some young sapplings and twined about lots of young willow branches. then he piled the reeds onto the travas and with a great deal of pride was able to get it to the cave by the end of the next day.

the lord of the forge was impressed and the woman standing at the edge of the scurrying bowl was too.

the next day the lord of the forge again commanded the man to a task... and in the process scearing the beegeebers out of the man.
"WHAT!!" the man screamed after picking himself out of the stream and scareing the fish away.

"oh man now you must tame the wild cattle that graze in the forest, one male and one female."

man grumbled but went out and studyed the hurd. off to one side he noticed a small cow, she seemed to be heavily pregnant and having trouble walking. he could see she was close to her time. then he noticed a young bull asleep at one end of the feild. he was too young to go far from the hurd just yet. the man sat down to think.

During the night the man built a corral, by the cave and blocked off an entrance to the interiour of the cave from the little alcove that adjoined the cave system and was within the corral's limit.

the next day he went back to the feild and set traps. the hurd came and settled down to graze. the young bull seemed to be getting lost alot... and his mother didn't seem to realy care. so carefully he looped the calf and brought it to the corral. the young bull having never seen a man before and actualy liking the novilty, didn't bother to bawl for his damn... and the first part of the second test was completed... the harder part comming with the pregnant cow. so he headed back. only to find about three cows stuck in his traps.. and one very angery bull. the man quickly brought his three cows back to the corral... more than was required... but then again.. it was better to be safe than sorry.

he no sooner got the last cow into the corral than he hurd a loud roar and a crash as the bull got free and came in search of his stollen cows(who were munching happilly on the tall grass in the enclosure. and the man that had caught him.

Opps the man thought and ran into the cave... where the bull found him... the stand off lasted untill the next morning when the bull lost intrest and the man had fallen asleep on the highest ledge he could find in the cave.

"MAN!!" the lord called the next day. the man screamed, woken from a dead sleep and fell off of the ledge.

"yes lord" the man said as he got up from the floor brushing off his bruised deriare.

"Your last task is to find a woman." the man was totaly bafled... what the heck was a woman? "you should look to the west, buy the lake. she is on an island in the middle of the lake, retreive her." the lord of the forge commanded and the man closed his eyes and nodded.

"yes lord i will"
the next day the man headed west, he traveled two days and one night. crossing a forest and one rather large angry river.

at the edge of the lake he found large logs floating in the water... and he got an idea.

by the next day he had quite a sizeable raft. he wittled out two oblong flat objects to help propell the raft and set off to find the island... which was plainly visible.

five hours latter he had made shore. and there standing was the woman. she smiled at him and he suddenly found that he couldn't keep his eyes off the creature..

"woman i presume" he said as he walked towards her.

"yes and you are man.. hmm you look a lot different than i thought you would." the man looked startled at this cofession and the woman took the opertunity to get aboard the raft piling a few things she had made while she was on the island onto the raft. the man looked at the pile and hoped the raft would continue to float with all the weight on it.

they headed off and an hour later(since they were both paddling) they hit the lake shore. the woman picked up two rather heavy bundles and flung them at the man and then carried the rest strapped about her with vines. the man grumbled a little but lead her back to his cave.

"well done man." the lord of the forge said as the man put down his burden.

"i have completed each task lord and to your satisfaction... now may i have my wisdom now?" the lord of the forge looked at the man.

"but man you have wisdom, you used it in every task i set you... but now you must use it with the woman.. for she was made as companion and equal for you. she has knowladge you don't as you have knowladge she doesn't.

the man looked angry. he got a woman for all his troubles.. and that was it. well what bloody good was that. honestly deities were starting to get above them selves. and he said so to the lord of the forge who was in no way impressed, but a thought occured quite quickly to him.

"man since you do not apreaciate what i have given you. i will give you one more thing." and with a swipe of his hand he placed a lump of clay into the vat of life and set it down next to the man and the woman. the clay solidified and took shape. it was a woman, with graying hair and sharp intelligent lights in her blue eyes. the man groaned in horror and the first woman squeeled in delight...

she ran forward arms out spread in joy
"Mother i can't beleive you came for a visit.. will it be a long one?"

the man ran for the forest where he shook in fear. "what was that?"he gasped out to the lord of the forge who was grinning down at him.

"why your mother in law of course"

*after picking herself up off the floor, wiping the tears off her face, and explaining to her son that ~no, I haven't lost my mind~* I think that deserves a lot more than just one bottle of Stoli! That's the funniest thing I've read in a long time!!!!!

I NEED the Stoli.... Sheesh! *drops head on desk muttering, all this time I thought had something to do with Bar-B-Que Spare Ribs*

*buys the stoli X 10 cases*

Offers a round of drinks to the house